As I have spoken about in previous posts I do suffer with depression and anxiety. The start of this year it pretty much controlled, I was in complete darkness, I lost everything and could no longer see any light. I knew I needed to sort myself out and get out of this rut. I needed a goal, I needed something to look forward to, so booking the holiday to California gave me something to work towards. One thing I needed to work on was my confidence and self esteem. So here is some ways that have helped me along the way.
I passed my driving test about 2 years ago and after I passed I didn’t drive much. My boyfriend at the time done most the driving that when we split up at the end of last year I had to learn all the things about the car we had. Cleo our little sassy black Clio (how original I know) was in my name so it ment that she came with me. Now my parents don’t live in the town I work or lived in so this ment I would be driving to work. I wasn’t the most confident at driving as I never really got the chance to improve my skills. So over the past couple of months I have been going out a lot more and slowly I could feel my confidence with Cleo growing and now I feel like an actual driver. I still set myself little challenges like reverse park (which I hate) for a whole week/ month, dont always go for the easy option. There is still things I feel I can improve on and I need more practise in but I know I will get there. Seeing this little improvement in myself helped me gain that bit more confident in myself.
Doing things that would normally have me feel uncomfortable was something I knew I needed to do more often so when one the girls I work with invited me out with some of her friends for drinks and dancing I pushed myself to say yes! Getting ready to go out my stomach was doing flips but my friend from work knew what I was like so that helped me feel bit more comfortable. We went to her friend’s house where I knew no one and they all knew each other which made me feel a bit self conscious but I made small talk and before I knew it we were all laughing and chatting away. We had drinks then headed up town to dance the night away and you know what?! I had one of the BEST nights I had in a long time. It was my first proper girls night out since being single, I had such a giggle and was 100% myself.
Another thing I felt needed to be done was being honest and confronting people from my past. I met up with 2 old friends and explained how they used to make me (and my other friends) feel, that alone was like a huge weight had been lifted. It felt like I was finally getting closure and it felt good.
These are only little steps but they were giant leaps to me and they helped me immensely. I keep up with meditation and do it at least once a day sometimes I try twice but if I can get one session done then I’m happy. I have my happiness planner which has been an incredible help for me to focus on even the smallest improvements.
Things can only get better from here
Thanks for reading.