Sometimes the darkness can over come you and you can really struggle to see the light.
I have had my fair share of my days in the dark where I have felt completely and utterly hopeless. I have questioned my relationships, my friendships, my job and even my existence.
While I have had time off I have read about the government planning on increasing the awareness and help on mental health. Back when I was a young toot I remember being in primary school and a boy few years older must have only been about 12-13yrs old had committed suicide. I had no idea what that ment. Our teacher had to explain to us that he was a very unhappy boy and had decided to end his life. I didn’t know this boy, I had seen him around the school but never spoke to him. I couldn’t help but feel upset and sad for him.
Little did I know that in years to come I would understand how that boy felt. I however was lucky enough to have people around me that knew the signs so that I could get help before I got any worse. Yes I still struggle on a daily basis, that constant voice in my head telling me that I can’t do this and I can’t do that still nips away at me. I still have days where I want to curl up and just do nothing. I feel on the edge of tears and at times I just want to scream.
It’s shite (sorry) to feel like this and I don’t find it easy admitting or showing my struggle. I find it easier putting on that mask. Sometimes that mask slips away and I show bits of the real me.
So what if I’m a big bag of crazy, maybe I will always be slightly unhinged but I’m okay with that. Just as long as I keep that darkness at bay I know I will be fine.
I hope that soon schools will teach kids about mental health. That it is okay to feel sad but it’s most important to talk about it. I hope that in the future there is no stigma.
I’m so thankful for the help I am currently receiving and I know that I’m incredibly lucky that unlike that boy from school I have that little bit of light.